Wow it's been a long time.

I wish I could say I've been busy and productive. I guess I have, some of the time. But life is still a big roller coaster, having some good days, and some bad days, sometimes the bad days outnumber the good, sometimes good outnumbers the bad. I am learning to safeguard my energy, and not attempt to do too much at a time, or in one day. Thank God, I am blessed with a loving, supportive, and patient husband, who just wants me to get well. He doesn't care if the rug is vacuumed, he doesn't care if he has to come home from work and make his own supper sometimes, he even helps with the dishes sometimes and cleans the toilets for me. If something really starts to bother him, he does it himself, and never puts pressure on me about it. He is amazing. It makes me cry just sitting here, thinking about how good he is to me.

I am learning balance. Learning to not stress about cleaning up a mess, if I don't have the energy to do it right now. It's no big deal, I can do it later, it's not worth the stress. Because you see, stress is literally poison to me. My body is not capable right now, in it's weakened state, of responding appropriately to it. My adrenal reserves are exhausted. I found out that I don't actually have full-blown Addison's disease (at least not yet, though things were tending in that direction) but definitely do have low adrenal reserve and function.

Your adrenals are the storehouse for energy, so when you summon up some extra reserves of strength to accomplish a difficult task or deal with some kind of stress, you are using your adrenal hormones. I've also learned that drinking coffee or using other caffeinated products does not manufacture "energy" for you out of thin air, nor does the body burn caffeine as energy. Caffeine works by stimulating the adrenal glands to release more cortisol, adrenaline, and other adrenal hormones. So if your adrenal reserves are low, and your adrenal function is weak, then no amount of coffee will "pep you up" or "give you energy". Whenever people tell me that they are tired all the time and coffee doesn't "work" anymore, I always tell them that's a warning sign! They need to get their adrenal gland and thyroid checked out, and maybe at least take some herbal products or glandular supplements to help support those glands!

I am also learning balance where my doctor is concerned. My doctors are wonderful, I have been very blessed to find a medical practice where the head doctor is both an M.D. and N.D. in one, so has a much wider frame of reference from which to draw. All the doctors at this practice understand my condition and listen to me, and are willing to work with me to adjust my dosages and so forth. I'm happy to give them a plug for anyone living in the greater Seattle area, their website is www.naturopathic.com.
However, like anything else, I am learning that balance is needed! We cannot afford for me to continually be going in just to talk to the doctor or do minor tests every few weeks... so I frankly explained the situation to them and  they have been very understanding. They will tell me now if a test is really vitally needed, or just something that would be handy to do sometime. Which supplements are essential, and which are extras. Also, they are letting me go longer in between appointments than most of their patients. This saves a LOT of money.

I think they are so willing to work with me in part due to the fact that I am kind of a new type of patient for them, but one I suspect they will be seeing more of in the future. They've told me several times that I am about their youngest patient. (I'm 30) They specialize in bio-identical hormone replacements, so right now the vast majority of their patients are menopausal or post-menopausal women who have probably had hormone problems for a long time, but then along came the change of life and made everything worse, and so after going to doctor after doctor with little to no improvement, they finally came to the Naturopathic doctors for help. All this stuff with special diets and staying off of certain foods and taking lots of supplements and all is very new and foreign to them, and understandably they need lots of encouragement and hand-holding. Plus, they probably have insurance covering most of the expenses. My doctors don't bill insurance themselves, since they want to do what is best for the patient, not what the insurance company will approve of. However, patients can submit the receipts to their insurance companies themselves, and thus many of the expenses will be covered. The insurance Hubby and I had wouldn't have covered any kind of alternative treatment anyway, so we dropped it and went to basically a catastrophic care only plan which is cheaper, and put as much money as possible in our own Health Savings Account, which we can then use to pay for my care... but there is a limit on how much we can put in the HSA in a year. Anyway, I'm no stranger to special diets and organic food and handfuls of supplements every day; and I've read up enough about my condition to speak to the doctors intelligently about it. They don't need to waste my time or money holding my hand and explaining everything to me down to every minute detail. So, after explaining where I'm coming from, I just go in about once a month and they just give me instructions on what I need to do, then leave it to me to do it, instead of needing to go in every two weeks or so for progress reports and basically counseling appointments.

My big goal for now is to get myself on a daily routine. Just so I don't drift around the house all day like a ghost and get nothing done. I think it would be comforting and healthier to have a regular meal schedule, for one thing. Cooking from scratch requires planning in advance, but often I don't even think of food until I'm suffering from low blood sugar and need to eat NOW! I need to work on that!

Right now I am reading "Thyroid Power" by Richard Shames, M.D., and Karilee Shames, R.N., Ph.D. It is EXCELLENT, and I would VERY HIGHLY RECOMMEND it. It's interesting, I'm almost to the end of the book and they are sharing, in addition to the primary strategies for strengthening your thyroid through nutrition and supplementation and so forth, as discussed in most of the book; various other alternative theories and ideas. I found it very interesting to read the part about the mind-body connection. I've heard this concept before, but not as it relates to the thyroid. Basically, this theory suggests that there is a specific part of who we are as an individual, our personality, which corresponds to each physical part; and that health problems in a specific part of our body means we need to work on some sort of problem or psychological "blockage" in the corresponding part of our mind or personality. Interesting theory. No idea if it's true or not. But I found it fascinating that supposedly the corresponding "part" to the Thyroid is the voice. The idea is that those with thyroid problems should work on finding their "voice" and expressing themselves more and better, and finding out what is blocking them from finding that voice. I find that fascinating since I've had so much trouble with writer's block. I've had this novel I've wanted to write for 18 years (I kid you not! I started working on it when I was 12!), but for some reason, whenever I get going on it, something seems to stop me. I can't seem to write on it for more than a couple days in a row, before I feel like I have to stop for a while. It's really kind of weird. It literally is like I am having trouble finding my voice. I guess I've always assumed that it's my perfectionism and fear of failure that is holding me back. Maybe it is. But maybe it's something deeper. Some kind of mental block that stops me. I'll have to pray about this and explore this idea more in the days ahead to see if God gives me any fresh insights into this matter.

Spring is Coming!

We have had an unusual amount of sun this week, for the Pacific Northwest. The grass is green, there are patches of blue showing between the clouds, and the promise of new life is in the air. In more ways than one. I feel like the winter of my illness and depression is drawing to a close too, and I am filled with hope and getting stronger. I am sure that this year will be my best ever. There is even hope on the infertility front. With my health getting so much stronger, and a friend's recommendation of an affordable doctor who does reversal micro-surgery, perhaps we will be able to have biological children after all! We want to adopt too, I think adoption is such a special way for children to become part of a family, and there are so many children out there who need good families. We would like to have about 6 children, but I don't think I could be pregnant that many times, with my delicate constitution... but you never know!
I still have good days and bad days, of course, but the addition of a tiny amount of bio-identical hormones on top of the Ambrotose, glandular supplements, high-quality vitamins and herbals, and allergy elimination diet with anti-inflammation and detox shakes, has made a world of difference. Slowly but surely, the good days are outnumbering the bad days, and I am starting to have energy again and be able to get up earlier! I'm in the middle of a new-year reorganization and de-junking project, sorting through all my files and boxes of papers "to be filed", and taking load after load of stuff to donate to the thrift store. I'm making plans for the new year, dreaming up ideas for my face painting business, and planning another business to work on next year during the face painting off-season in the late fall, winter, and early spring. I want to set up an in-home studio and record Audio books! Life is good! And soon, Tim will be done with this big project and will be able to work from home more again! That will be wonderful. Well, I'd better go get busy on my filing...

Waking up after a long hibernation

I feel so good today! I seriously do feel like I've woken up after a long hibernation. Like I'm getting out of a funk. I feel like I'm bursting with energy, and there are so many thing I want to do that I don't know what to do first! The funny thing is I didn't feel this good when I woke up... but today was the first day of taking my female hormone adjustment meds. Bio-identical oral progesterone and calcium d-glucarate to lower my too-high estrogen. And all afternoon I've felt like the old me, only more so! So much energy! And the sun came out too, and I went for a nice walk down to Starbucks. I decided to work on memorizing Proverbs 3, and worked on the first two verses as I walked. Wow! This gives me hope that when the Dr. figures out my case and gets me on appropriate supplementation ALL the time, I'll feel better than ever before! I'll be able to live a productive life and get things done and not just be a hermit who hides out at home all day! Yay!